Data's Desert Dash

   

The sun blazed down on the vast expanse of the desert-like Class M planet, its heat shimmering in waves off the rocky terrain. Mr. Spock, Commander Data, and two red-shirted security officers were aboard a rugged all-terrain vehicle, hastily bouncing along the uneven ground. They were en route to assist an injured Starfleet officer whose distress signal had been picked up a few kilometers from their shuttlecraft.

Commander Data, seated in the driver’s seat, was clearly enjoying himself. With his emotion chip activated, he wore a wide, childlike grin as the vehicle sped over jagged rocks and sand dunes at an alarmingly reckless pace.

“This is exhilarating!” Data exclaimed, gripping the controls tightly. “The thrill of velocity combined with the unpredictability of the terrain is... most stimulating.”

In the passenger seat, Mr. Spock raised an eyebrow. “Commander, while your enthusiasm is... notable, I must point out that your current speed is exceeding safe operational parameters by 27.3%. A reduction in velocity would be—”

A sudden jolt cut Spock off mid-sentence as the vehicle launched off a dune and landed hard, sending the two redshirts in the back tumbling into each other.

“—logical,” Spock concluded, steadying himself with one hand on the dashboard.

“Apologies, Mr. Spock,” Data said, though his grin didn’t waver. “I am attempting to minimize travel time. The injured officer’s survival depends on our prompt arrival.”

“That’s great, Commander,” one of the redshirts said nervously, clutching the side of the vehicle. “But could we maybe get there in one piece?”

Data glanced in the rearview mirror, his face lighting up with delight. “Ah! You are referring to the colloquialism regarding safety. I assure you, my reflexes and precision exceed human capabilities. There is no cause for alarm.”

Another dune approached, and Data leaned into the controls, veering sharply to one side. The vehicle skidded sideways before regaining traction, kicking up a massive cloud of sand. One of the redshirts yelped as he nearly slid off his seat.

“Mr. Data,” Spock said, his voice remaining calm despite the chaotic ride. “While I acknowledge your computational superiority, the high probability of mechanical failure or operator error suggests that moderation would be prudent.”

“Fascinating, Mr. Spock,” Data replied, his tone almost giddy. “But I have calculated a 99.9997% probability of successfully navigating this terrain without incident. The odds are overwhelmingly in our favor.”

“Tell that to my stomach,” muttered one of the redshirts, looking a bit green.

A loud ping interrupted them, and Data’s face grew even more animated. “We are approaching the signal source! I estimate arrival in—oh, my!” The vehicle hit a rock, causing it to lift briefly off the ground before slamming back down.

“—seven seconds!” Data finished as they crested a final hill, skidding to a stop at the base of a rocky outcrop. The injured officer lay propped against a boulder, his uniform torn and his leg in a makeshift splint.

Spock and the redshirts leaped out as quickly as possible, grateful to have solid ground beneath them once more. Spock scanned the officer with his tricorder as Data dismounted with a cheery, “We have arrived with maximum efficiency!”

The officer, pale and sweating, looked up weakly. “I thought I’d never see another soul…” His gaze drifted to the all-terrain vehicle, now tilted at an odd angle. “You… drove here?”

“Yes,” Spock replied evenly, glancing at Data, who was examining a scratch on the vehicle with concern. “It was an experience I will not soon forget.”

One of the redshirts sighed. “Next time, I’m walking.”

Data, still smiling, looked at his companions. “Perhaps on the return journey, I can increase the speed further! That would truly be exhilarating.”

“Let us first ensure our injured comrade’s safety,” Spock said, raising an eyebrow. “Then we may reevaluate your proposed… enhancements.”

The group got to work, but as the redshirts exchanged nervous glances, one thing was clear: nobody wanted to ride shotgun with Data on the way back.